Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Nothing is the same....


I keep trying... 

I keep trying to push through, trying to move on and yet, every time I think I can stand and even attempt a few steps, I fall.  I want so bad to rewind the hands of time.  To go back to a place where I knew what to do and I didn't doubt every single one of my actions.  There was a time were I could message you and not second guess every thing I said.  

Or maybe I just want to fast forward to a point that sometime, somehow we are all good.  Maybe we are together.  Maybe we have moved to a place of not being awkward.  Just anything but this place right now because this hurts so much.



I just feel like a mess sometimes.  I am so good.  I tell you I'm okay.  I don't want you to see me falling apart like this.  I can be so good though....I can go days without feeling sad and then something reminds me of you and I just want to curl up in the places that remind me of you.  

When will it make sense? 

When will it stop hurting?

When will everything around me stop reminding me of you?

When will my heart feel like it isn't smashed?

When will it stop hurting when I breathe....

I've been through this enough...I know what to do.  It's just a breakup...only this time, it wasn't just another breakup.  I am a smart woman but why this time does it feel all so different, like I can't just walk away and be good, hold my head up and carry on.  This is raw, this hurts and the tears stain my face.....


I just want to wake up.  Realize this is a nightmare.

I want to feel you close again.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Love


I love you.

Simple.

And then reality sets in...I can't tell you.

I know you know.  Just please don't forget.



Get the Look:
Dress: Duck Nipple : Fella Dress (Rockabilly Fair)
Shoes: [GOS] : Paris Peeptoe-Patient Collection
Earrings: Maxi Gossamer : Honey Diva Bo Bo
Bracelet: Maxi Gossamer : Honey Diva Bo Bo
Hair: Truth : Bobbie-Black&Whites 05
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Tattoo: ::ILLMATIC:: : Infinity & Beyond
Tattoo: Little Pricks : She will be Loved
Eyes: IKON : Perspective Eyes-Apex
Makeup: Glam Affair : Elit eyes Makeup-2 
Lipstick: Glam Affair : Elit Lipstick-5
Eyelashes:   MIAMAI : Protagoniste Basic
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Ink 
Pose: Glitterati : Beauty #2 Set and Basic Set


Monday, August 26, 2013

Sometimes in the middle of ordinary life...

loves gives us a fairytale.


This was always one of my favorite little sayings.  I would "aww" when I would hear it, wish that it would maybe happen to me someday, but really never believed that it could.  Yesterday simply added proof that I finally have been granted my fairytale.

For the first time in five years, (yes, it was five years on July 2nd!!), I have felt like I have found my place.  I have found an extraordinary slice of SL heaven.  I finally feel like I belong in a way that I have always longed for, but never thought was ever possible.  It's been an ongoing journey since the beginning of March, with lots of serious tweaking, but within the last month and half....it all started to really fall into place.  I made some very important choices and did serious soul searching where I wanted my path in SL to take me.  I was tired of where it was heading and the feeling I got every time I signed in was starting to leave me very disappointed. I deleted the negative people that found a way to always bring me down.  I'm not half in...I'm all in for the first time ever.  I'm not ashamed of anything that I am either.  I don't think for a minute that I'm better for doing this, I simply did this for me...the rest that has happened has been amazing blessings.

I am proud of who I am...so here it goes--

I am a vampire.  I choose to become active in a vampire clan, nah it's more than a clan, it is my family.  I found an amazing, crazy family that never runs out of wacky things to do.  We have our serious side, we stick by each other, we don't always get along but that is okay.  I absolutely love the random dance parties, the greedy games, the chats, the field trips, fishing afternoons, the club events, and the people that I get to hang out with every day.  I love knowing that I'm gonna get picked on.  I like knowing that a bus might get thrown at me.  I love knowing that if I need something, there are a lot people willing to help out and I'd do the same for them.

I am a friend.  My friends seriously amaze me.  The ones that stick by me through thick and thin and always have my back...those are the true friends.  I have had people come and go for lots of reasons.  I'm glad for the ones that have held on or found a way back in.  I have a small group that I hold very, very close to me and they know who they are.  I know that I haven't always been the best of a friend.  I'm working on that though.  I am learning how to let people in.

I am a momma.  I never, ever dreamt that I was going to be apart of a SL family, let alone have someone ever call me a momma or some variation.  That has all changed though.  I was honored when a certain someone asked me if I would be her Momma.  Of course I said yes.  It is all new, but I'm getting the hang of it, I think.  She makes it incredibly easy and I'm proud to be her momma.

I am a partner, a love, a best friend, a companion..etc.  I don't think one title does it justice so I had to go with a few.  He started as the friend that would give me the truth, listen to me vent and let me be crazy. We helped each other through things.  There was a moment when I realized how important he had become.  Then, I realized that I loved him.  I was in denial.  He was in denial.  Lucky for us both, we finally figured it out.  We did it right though. From the first night he asked me out that was our first dance forward, I have always felt so incredibly loved.  He is the call that I wait for in the morning and the last person I think about before I fall asleep.  It's the dancing, the laughing, the talking, the smiling, the loving, the supporting, the teaching, the learning, the giving...it is all these reasons that make me realize just how incredible it is to have someone to share in this journey with.

I am me.  All of the reasons before are so very, very important to me, but I believe completely what I am and who I am. I am the reason I am happy.  I made the changes for me.  I took the chance that what I wanted could really become a reality.  I believed in the change, the possibilities.  Yes, I had the support of friends and people that I love telling me that I could do it, but I had to put myself out there and take a chance.  I'm so very glad I did.

So on with my look...


Get the Look:

Dress: Apple May : Neveah Gown-Black
Mask: #187# : Dentelle Mask-Black
Necklace: Mandala : Yakushi-Black
Earrings: Mandala : Yakushi-Black
Bracelet: Mandala : Polly-Black and Silver
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Tattoo: Little Pricks : She Will Be Loved
Hair: Truth : Qopi-Black 05
Eyes: IKON : Lucid Eyes-Summit
Eyeliner: Pekka : Metalic Under Eyeliner-Black
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyelashes:   MIAMAI : Protagoniste Basic
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Rouge 
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Lipstick: Pink Fuel : Elly Comestics Vamp
Pose: Poses were from Exposeur and  Glitterati. (I was using a bunch and didn't write down which ones that I was using when I was snapping pics...sorry.)


**The pics were taken after a Gothic Masquerade Ball yesterday for my clan.  

Sunday, July 28, 2013

The Search is Over

A girl can't help but want to be a princess.  Regardless if she claims she doesn't, she wants to be swept off of her feet.  She wants to feel those butterflies in her stomach.  She wants to smile for no reason but at the thought of that one person that makes her feel incredibly special. It's that simple fairytale that we all seem to want but how many times do we pretend that we don't want it.


I may have had this long blog written on Thursday night.  I thought it was perfect and I was just about to post it. Well, before I knew it, things started to happen and without warning everything changed.  Quickly, I hit the delete key of what I had written since it no longer applied.  Crazy how things happen so almost unexpectedly. 


It seems that sometimes everything you want is just right in front of you all along.  I started realizing that and before I knew it, it was a reality.  This is exactly what I wanted and I feel like a princess every minute.  For the first time, I know I did it all right.  From the start, it was built the way it should have been and I couldn't be happier.  


Get the Look:

Dress: Dead Dollz : II Lungo Addio
Earrings: Amorous : Intersekt
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Piercing: Pekka : Diamons & Chest Piercing-Black
Tattoo: ::ILLMATIC:: : Infinity & Beyond
Hair: [taketomi] : Kyo- Blacks 03
Eyes: Dead Apples : Thunder Eyes-Berry (Past Arcade Item)
Eyeliner: Pekka : Metalic Under Eyeliner-Black
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyelashes:   MIAMAI : Protagoniste Basic
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Ink 
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Lipstick: Pink Fuel : Glossy Pout Lipsticks -Lt. Tones Nude Pink
Pose: exposeur : Top Model Fall 2009

Listening to: The Search is Over by Survivor

Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Story


All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am


We make rules and conditions for so many reasons. We use them as masks to keep hidden. We carefully keep adding mask after mask because it is easier to keep what you want hidden than to long for it over and over.  We play this game.  Pretending things we don't want.  We know better yet we do it over and over again.  We keep thinking we are smart in our thinking.

So what is the reason that we do it.  Sometimes we want to see who is willing to risk yanking the mask off, who is worth breaking our rules, who is just worth letting in.  What is the story that we want for ourselves that we are just way too afraid to admit?  We all have the story we want, the one that we long for, the one we hope will someday come true.    I have mine.  What's your story?



Get the Look:


Corset: J's : Lace-Up Corset-Black Leather
Pants: Luck : Tyra Lowrise Jeans Flare-Washed Dark Blue
Shoes: Redgrave : Helena 
Collar: Maxi Gossamer : Midnight Dare 2
Bracelet: {me.} : Rock'N Chic Bracelets-Black
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Hair: Magika : Tomorrow
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Ink 
Eyeliner: Pekka : Metalic Under Eyeliner-Black
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyelashes:   MIAMAI : Protagoniste Basic
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Lipstick: Pink Fuel : Elly Cosmetics - Juicy Gloss-Lingerie Pink
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-19


Sunday, May 12, 2013

Not Okay.


This isn't bout what I'm wearing tonight.  This is just bout how I'm feeling right now.  No one will probably get it and that is okay.  Sometimes I don't know what to make of anything.  
I feel like no matter what I do, I just hurt tonight.  I am tired of holding it together and being strong.  I'm tired of wanting.   I'm tired of being the girl but never the it girl.  I'm tired of just feeling that to the outside world, I'm put together when in reality if you peel off the masks, I'm bruised and I'm falling apart.  I'm broken.  I hurt.  I ache.  I'm black and blue.  



Tonight I'm tired of whispering the words, "I'm fine" when I'm really not.  Not even close.



Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Shake It Off


I went on a little shopping spree the other day.  Mainly because I wanted the new pants from Plastik.  While I was minding my own business, these sexy ripped looking shirts caught my eye.  I was debating which one I should purchase but it all was just so simple when I caught the name of one....EMA.  



Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn


And, I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn


Get the Look:

Shirt: Plastik : Little Ghost Tops-Ema 
Pants: Plastik : Militia Jeans-Dark (New Release) 
Shoes: Redgrave : Helena (New Release)
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Piercing: Pekka : Imaginable v.2
Bracelets: Envious : Take No More Outfit (item from outfit)
Earrings: Maxi Gossamer :Raisa Drop-Silver (faMESHed Item)
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Ink (New Release)
Tattoo: Little Pricks : She Will Be Loved
Tattoo: Little Pricks : Beautiful Diaster
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyeliner: Pekka : Metalic Under Eyeliner-Black
Lipstick: Pink Fuel : INK Lipgloss (Teeth)
Hair: Wasabi Pills : Erika-Rouge
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-19
Pose: Diesel Works : Shyla 6 and 10 


Monday, May 6, 2013

State of Grace


You come around and the armor falls
Pierce the room like a cannon ball
Now all we know is don't let go...


So you were never a saint
And I’ve loved in shades of wrong
We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts...


And I never saw you coming
And I'll never be the same

This is a state of grace.




Get the Look:

Shirt: Hucci : Ramara Top-Moonglow
Skirt: [Miseria] : Daisy Mini Skirt-Attic Edition
Shoes: [GOS] : Ursula Wedges
Hair: elikatira : Only-Firey Reds 09
Tattoo: Little Pricks : Just Be
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity 
Nails: MIAMAI : Lacquer Sublime Nails-Ink
Bracelet: Maxi Gossamer :Bangles-Pitch Black Dare
Necklace: Maxi Gossamer :Raisa Drop Necklace-Small (Silver)
Eyelashes:   MIAMAI : Catwalk Lashes-Toxic Black
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Lipgloss: Pink Fuel : Elly Cosmetics -Juicy Gloss-Natural
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: AUSHKA & CO : Ania Pose-2, 6, and 9


Listening To: State of Grace by Taylor Swift


Sunday, May 5, 2013

50 Shades of Sexy-Week 9: Pillow Talk

Those late nights conversations that keep you up way too late, that make you so tired the next day but bring such a smile to your face.  It's so worth it.  So you ignore everything, sitting in the dark with just the glow from your computer screen, smiling and laughing, enjoying the company of someone incredibly special.  



Get the Look:

Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Hair: [e] : Over-Brown 10
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18



Saturday, May 4, 2013

50 Shades of Sexy-Week 8: Bound

No collars, no ropes, no leash.  

Not the typical form of being bound.  

When I saw this theme, I knew instantly what I wanted.  Being bound sometimes isn't about the collar fastened safely around your neck, the ropes that bind your wrists and ankles, or even the leash that connects you to your owner.  Being bound by your heart strings, knowing that he doesn't have to be even sitting in front of you but yet your entire being is bound to him.  The invisible bounds are the most intense, the ones that you ultimately want with the one you are with.  Bound is about sometimes not always the obvious to the outside but the very apparent to you and him.



Get the Look:

Panties:  [Insatiable Fashions] : Polka II-Pale Plum II (The Black Market 40L Item)
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Hair: Magika : Remember
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: Diesel Works : Kneeled 3


Saturday, April 27, 2013

50 Shades of Sexy-Week 7: Agent Provocative


She's a sinner 
A saint 
She'll run it cool and hot 
She's a secret agent 
You can believe it or not 






Get the Look:

Outfit: Epic : Slasher Suit
Fishnets: erratic : Fishnet thin-black
Boots: : Ten10 : Megas Boots v.2-Black Leather
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Hair: [e] : Figure-Red 08
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: Glitterati : Safe

50 Shades of Sexy-Week 6: Intoxicate Me

Waiting, those thoughts, the cravings, the need, knowing the minute that he walks in the door nothing will stop you from getting exactly what you have been longing for.....

You sit all day, being intoxicated by those thoughts and then reality sinks in.  

He's only in your dreams.  ;)



Get the Look:

Panties: Cynful : Deliciosa-Black
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Hair: Magika : Tomorrow
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18


Special thanks to my friend Rockland Spyker for helping me out with this pic.  I'm not sure what he is wearing but if anyone is interested, I could always ask him.


Friday, April 26, 2013

Feel the Moment


One day while my light is glowing
I’ll be in my castle golden
But until the gates are open
I just wanna feel this moment 



Get the Look:

Dress:   Plastik : Vex Dresses-Silver
Boots:   Ten10 : Megas Boots v.2-Black Leather
Headband: .Mes Sucreries. : My Cat ears Spiked-Black and White
Necklace: Maxi Gossamer :Copacetic Tallulah
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: aDORKable : Lean 4 and Grace 1



Monday, April 22, 2013

Alone in a Crowded Room



Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.


This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.


The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.


Get the Look:

Blazer: *T.Whore* : Open Blazer Red
Panties: Gawk! : Black Mini Panties
Fishnets: erratic : Fishnet thin-black
Boots: Slink : Tall Leather Thigh Boots-Black
Necklace: Maxi Gossamer :Copacetic Tallulah
Bracelet: Maxi Gossamer :Copacetic Tallulah
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Hair: Magika : Today
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: oOo : Rhonda- 1, 3, 5



Sunday, April 21, 2013

Lost in Paradise


I can see the storm, I can see the sky.
I can see the darkness, flashing lights
All my fears, gone tonight
Let me stay
I'm lost in paradise



Get the Look:

Dress: Suicidal Unborn : Thango Dress-Black (light)
Shirt: *sheer* : Very Torn
Stocking: Dirtyland : Rippted Stockings
Boots: : Ten10: Megas Boots v.2-Black Leather
Collar: Cute Posion : Posture Collar-Cross
Cuffs: Hermony : Studded Wristband
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 06
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyeliner: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Lipstick: Pink Fuel : Elly Cosmetics -Glam Lipstick
Hair: Wasabi Pills : Black Coffee
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 18
Pose: Glitterati : Closeup 2 



Friday, April 19, 2013

She Wolf


A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me,
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.
Moon's awake now, with eyes wide open
My body is craving, so feed the hungry

Plastik's Fifty Linden Friday outfit hardly disappoints.  Like usual, it isn't just one thing, it is a a couple things.  In the pics below, my entire outfit is apart of the FLF outfit.  The corset, the skirt, the boots, necklace and the armwarmers.  They are all apart of the box that also comes with a pair of pants and another shirt.  The best part...it's only 50Ls.  How can you pass up a deal like this?

Also out for FLF is the September's Lover skin.  It's a preview I believe.  It comes with 4 different options including a tango option.  There are also 8 different eyebrow shapers as well as different shadows and makeups.  



Get the Look:

Outfit: Plastik : FLF-Studded Outfit
Piercing: .HoD. : Lure-Jet Female
Hair: Magika : Break
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Makeup: Plastik : Arkasia Makeups-Darker Shadow
Eyes: Plastik : Vaele Coll(Base)-Heartyness
Skin: Plastik : September's Lover
Pose: aDORKable : Kooky 6 and Moody 5



Thursday, April 18, 2013

Hurry Up Spring


Since it appears that I can't get green grass, sunshine and spring in RL, I'll have to settle for it in SL.
It was the first thing when I saw this dress.  It's just a perfect little dress, bare feet sorta day in a field of green grass and the sun beating down on me. So I created it and just for a moment had my spring time.





Get the Look:

Dress: Valentine E. Couture : Paisley Gown-Night (Past Lazy Sunday Item)
Bracelet: Maxi Gossamer :Bangles-Pitch Black Dare
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Hair: Truth : Hollana Fades w/Roots-Auburn
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 06
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyeliner: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Lip-gloss: Pink Fuel : Elly Cosmetics Juicy Gloss-Natural
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 18
Pose: Glitterati : Springtime (Newer Release)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Who Knew?


You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right


Get the Look:
Shirt:  Tee*fy : Elyse Wrapped Tucked Tank-White
Skirt:  Tee*fy : Estelle Fluffy Skirt-White
Earrings: Maxi Gossamer :Copacetic Tallulah
Bracelet: Maxi Gossamer :Copacetic Tallulah
Shoes: [GOS] : Angelina Peeptoe-Stone
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 06
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Eyeliner: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Hair: Shag : Bombshell-Raven
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 18


Friday, March 29, 2013

Beauty

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything she puts her mind to.

There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way.

There is a beauty about a woman who confidence comes from experiences, who knows she can fall, pick herself up and move on.




Get the Look:

Dress: Plastik : Lethal Dress-Stark
Piercing: Pekka : Fidelity
Tattoo: *V* Store : Love Weapon Tattoo
Hair: Magika : Today
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Eyes: Glam Affair : Glam Affair- Stella Eyes 02
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: Glitterati : Curtains

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dark


Sometimes I want to curse the ground you walk on
Even when I know that everything you feel, I feel it too
I wanna curse you, baby, you left me in the dark
And now I want to curse you, baby
For leavin' me alone, alone, alone



Get the Look:

Shirt: Plastik : Trickster Bandeaus-Dalmatian
Skirt: Plastik : Misfit Skirt-Worn
Earrings: :Amorous : Gyroscope Earrings
Piercing: .HoD. : Lure-Jet Female
Hair: Wasabi Pills : Sylvie-Black Coffee
Tattoo: Endless Pain : Pure Sin
Eyes: Linc : EyeZ Steel Blue
Eyeliner: (Elate!) : Double Cateye Eyeliner
Makeup: Plastik : Ataciara Makeups-Smudgy Shadows
Skin: Belleza : Lily V1 Med-18
Pose: Glitterati : Sultry 7

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Moments of Random Ema Thoughts



I don't know what really I'm accomplishing by straying so far from my typical posts, but maybe this just needs to be done for me right now.  Hardly ever do I post my own emotions because well, that makes me vulnerable and who enjoys really putting themselves out there and being potentially vulnerable.  It's my blog, so I'll do what I want to and share this with you.  You are free to read the rambles.

I won't pretend right now that I'm perfect.  That throughout my entire time while being connected in SL that I haven't done my fair share of crappy moves, that I haven't hurt the ones that shouldn't have been hurt.  I have made my mistakes.  I have stumbled and faltered.  I've also refused to shy away from the things that I've done, the moment that haven't made me shine the brightest and I've always stepped up and admitted my mistakes in due time.  I've learned from them and then I move on.

With that said....

SL is an amazing place.  There is that ultimate debate...is this a game or not?  I say it isn't because a game has characters, a plot, an end and a start.  I'm not just a character in SL.  Ema is an extension in pixel form of who I truly am if you were standing in front of me.  There is no plot, no storyline, no role play that gets me through from the time I first logged in until some day when I decide to not log in.  I have invested feelings and emotions into the people I meet, the experiences I have and the journeys that I have been on.  I have smiled, laughed, rolled my eyes, cried, yelled and screamed because of my experiences throughout SL.  I'm connected to every experience that my journey takes me on and every person I meet.


Sometimes really, amazing moments happen in SL.  People come in and out of your journeys for reasons that you never can quiet understand.  You immerse yourself totally within them, while it's happening, because of how the whole experience with them around you makes you feel.  You feel complete.  There comes a moment when you realize that you aren't missing so many pieces of yourself.  You can't help but just love the moments and smile because of how incredibly happy you are.

There are people you can come across that make the experience all worth it, well the majority of the people you meet.  They can totally make you feel empowered. They are the ones that have your back.  They are the ones that stick up for you, that won't allow others to knock you down.  They are the ones that will risk making you upset for a small moment because they simply want to protect you.  They bring a smile to your face, they hug you when you feel weak and they discretely wipe the tears so no one else catches them streaming down your face.

So everyone enters our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  You wonder when people walk in what their purpose is.  I think we are all hopeful that everyone is a lifetime.  After all, these people make us smile and laugh.  They are our little superheros in disguise sometimes.  We trust them, we open up, we share and listen.  We don't want to think of anyone as just a reason or a season but even they have an amazing place in our lives regardless of how it hurts.

We go about our days.  Enjoying everything that is happening.  And then...then it sometimes happens.  For whatever reason, they seem go missing from you or just vanish out of your path.  Maybe they are busy.  Maybe they find someone else.  Maybe they leave SL.  Maybe they just don't want to be around you.  The reasons are endless, but the reasons bring about a very powerful feeling within yourself.  You feel like a small piece of your own being is missing.  Regardless of the time frame, regardless of the reason, regardless of the truths...nothing that you can tell yourself justifies what you feel.

Things happen.  Sometimes not so good things happen.  It is in those moments, that our reactions define who we truly are and give us the moment to shine brighter than before.  So in this moment, when it would be so easy to just rant and rave, to shed light on the things I know....I'm holding my head up, I'm keeping my pride in tact and I'm going to find the strength and courage to just walk.  In the hardest moment, when you stand looking at someone, knowing where your heart has led you, but realizing that letting go is the only option because theirs is with someone else, you can't help but close your eyes and attempt to just breathe, moving forward slowly.  You watch, in silence, with your heart wishing that you could rewind to a point of innocence; however, your head reminds you otherwise.

One week has taught me a lot.  It isn't the first time.  It won't be the last.  I just know that even in the hardest of moments, I'm better for it.  I will be better for it.  I will keep on shining, keep on walkin, keep on being the girl that I've always been.

Because I'm a girl...and I'm on fire ;)