I don't know what really I'm accomplishing by straying so far from my typical posts, but maybe this just needs to be done for me right now. Hardly ever do I post my own emotions because well, that makes me vulnerable and who enjoys really putting themselves out there and being potentially vulnerable. It's my blog, so I'll do what I want to and share this with you. You are free to read the rambles.
I won't pretend right now that I'm perfect. That throughout my entire time while being connected in SL that I haven't done my fair share of crappy moves, that I haven't hurt the ones that shouldn't have been hurt. I have made my mistakes. I have stumbled and faltered. I've also refused to shy away from the things that I've done, the moment that haven't made me shine the brightest and I've always stepped up and admitted my mistakes in due time. I've learned from them and then I move on.
With that said....
SL is an amazing place. There is that ultimate debate...is this a game or not? I say it isn't because a game has characters, a plot, an end and a start. I'm not just a character in SL. Ema is an extension in pixel form of who I truly am if you were standing in front of me. There is no plot, no storyline, no role play that gets me through from the time I first logged in until some day when I decide to not log in. I have invested feelings and emotions into the people I meet, the experiences I have and the journeys that I have been on. I have smiled, laughed, rolled my eyes, cried, yelled and screamed because of my experiences throughout SL. I'm connected to every experience that my journey takes me on and every person I meet.
Sometimes really, amazing moments happen in SL. People come in and out of your journeys for reasons that you never can quiet understand. You immerse yourself totally within them, while it's happening, because of how the whole experience with them around you makes you feel. You feel complete. There comes a moment when you realize that you aren't missing so many pieces of yourself. You can't help but just love the moments and smile because of how incredibly happy you are.
There are people you can come across that make the experience all worth it, well the majority of the people you meet. They can totally make you feel empowered. They are the ones that have your back. They are the ones that stick up for you, that won't allow others to knock you down. They are the ones that will risk making you upset for a small moment because they simply want to protect you. They bring a smile to your face, they hug you when you feel weak and they discretely wipe the tears so no one else catches them streaming down your face.
So everyone enters our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You wonder when people walk in what their purpose is. I think we are all hopeful that everyone is a lifetime. After all, these people make us smile and laugh. They are our little superheros in disguise sometimes. We trust them, we open up, we share and listen. We don't want to think of anyone as just a reason or a season but even they have an amazing place in our lives regardless of how it hurts.
We go about our days. Enjoying everything that is happening. And then...then it sometimes happens. For whatever reason, they seem go missing from you or just vanish out of your path. Maybe they are busy. Maybe they find someone else. Maybe they leave SL. Maybe they just don't want to be around you. The reasons are endless, but the reasons bring about a very powerful feeling within yourself. You feel like a small piece of your own being is missing. Regardless of the time frame, regardless of the reason, regardless of the truths...nothing that you can tell yourself justifies what you feel.
Things happen. Sometimes not so good things happen. It is in those moments, that our reactions define who we truly are and give us the moment to shine brighter than before. So in this moment, when it would be so easy to just rant and rave, to shed light on the things I know....I'm holding my head up, I'm keeping my pride in tact and I'm going to find the strength and courage to just walk. In the hardest moment, when you stand looking at someone, knowing where your heart has led you, but realizing that letting go is the only option because theirs is with someone else, you can't help but close your eyes and attempt to just breathe, moving forward slowly. You watch, in silence, with your heart wishing that you could rewind to a point of innocence; however, your head reminds you otherwise.
One week has taught me a lot. It isn't the first time. It won't be the last. I just know that even in the hardest of moments, I'm better for it. I will be better for it. I will keep on shining, keep on walkin, keep on being the girl that I've always been.
Because I'm a girl...and I'm on fire ;)
