Letting Go

The hurt.  It's suffocating.  

The pain....the lies....it ripped through my being so fast.  I was numb.  I don't have the physical scars but they are there.  It's like I've been beaten, it's like I've been left in a pile of bruises and tears.  Everything was black for a moment and I realized what was happening....Promises became just words.  Actions suddenly screamed to me.  Everything that was hidden was suddenly brought into the light.  There was no backing out of what was unfolding.

So I gazed into that reflection, I saw the face that stared back at me.  

I didn't recognize me.  I was in so much hurt.  I ached and I cried.  I became angry.  I searched for answers even though I knew that regardless it wasn't going to lessen any of the pain that broke at my heart.  

And then I realized this....I had to make a decision, no one else could make this for me......

So I am letting go....I'm not giving into defeat.  I'm not failing.  I'm just surrendering and letting go so that I can heal.  I want to be whole again.  I can't keep holding on if what I am trying to hold onto is slipping through my fingers.  This isn't me being bitter at the situation...I just need comfort and I need peace.

  I am taking the wheel for my life right now.  I am going to be in control of it.